Friday, May 23, 2008

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road in Malawi?

BAKILI MULUZI: Fotseki, I will not accept this nonsense. Anakuuzani ndani kuti ndiri ndi khola la nkhuku ine? The law is clear: Chickens cannot cross the road unless they pay the penalty. So how dare they cross the road? We will not allow our remaining chickens to discuss anything else until this chicken comes back, asaaa.

JOHN TEMBO: Tambala ameneyu ngwanga uyu. I cannot allow it to cross the road. The standing Orders of this House are very clear: no chicken can cross the road. The Constitution too says it clearly: any chicken that cross the road has to be to be eaten and we will not accept any injunctions to prevent us from consuming this stray chicken.

BINGU wa MUTHARIKA: The chicken crossed the road because he realised he cannot live among the animals on that side of the road. These people need to be shaken up, we will continue encouraging the chickens on their side to cross the road, no more Mr. Nice Guy. We have an open door policy on this side of the road, any chicken that wants development is welcome.

GOODAL GONDWE: whether the chickens from the other side decide to come or not, I will present the budget to the chickens that have already crossed the road.

ISHMAEL CHAFUKIRA: How dare the Chief chicken call us "Wild Animals"? We are scared and will not attend his functions.

LOVENESS GONDWE: pambere tindambe kudumba makani gha munyumba yino, SIPIKA wakwenera kuchimbizga nkhuku zose izo zambuka msewu kuluta silya linyakhe.

NIC HOLAS DAUSI: The Gallus domesticus navigated to this side of
highway because it is cognisant that the populace are bifurcated by bogus dogmas. As the presidential advisor on national unity, I say that these bilocurar divisons are not good for this country. This is why I myself decided to cross the highway and these new roosters are welcome to follow my lead

STEVE SHARRA: These roads are not legitimate anyway. They are an imperialist creation that hide the common u-nkhuku in us all. It is good this chicken has broken the yoke and crossed the road.

PATRICIA KALIYATI: @xy@^*!x@! Chamba eti? What chicken would not cross the road when that side is infested with chitopa? The chicken is running away kuopa kuphedwa. Mwaona kwatsala nkhuku iri yonse that side of the road? All that is left there ndi zilombo zokha-zokha. @$#!

JOSEPH NKASA: Nkhuku ya lero, nkhuku ya lero, ndi Mutharika…

GORGE NTAFU: This is not a chicken, ndi galu disguising itself as a chicken. It has to kicked out. We cannot have agalu in this House.

BONIFACE DULANI: what is worrisome is that the movement of chickens is in one direction. This is typical of Big Chicken type of politics. The Big Chicken on the other side is providing a lot of chicken feed to induce the chickens to cross the road.

*with acknowledgements to Wilson Ndovie for beefing up the entry. Yebo.

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